.Katherine.

Today I spent some time with sweet little Katherine in House of Peace. When you first sit down by her you're struck by two things right away: One is her beauty. Big dark eyes, smooth brown skin, and thick black hair combed up in two little pigtails...it all combines to make for one very gorgeous little face. The second thing you notice about this precious girl, though, is her suffering. Her mouth is always open as she struggles for every breath, wheezing and gasping about every two seconds. Every rising movement of her chest brings with it a loud choking sound. Her arms and legs are tighly locked in a bent position and her fingers in a tight clench. She cannot move or really respond at all when you stroke her cheeks or try to pry her fingers open gently to wrap around yours. Being deaf, she cannot hear you trying to comfort her and her blind eyes move around but cannot see you trying to emphathize with her pain and communicate G0d's love to her through your own eyes and face. She spends the majority of her days lying stiffly on the floor with no one to hold her or provide her any stimulation. Today when I saw her I picked her up very gingerly and held her close in my arms, hoping that somehow she could feel my love--and most importantly G0d's--through the only means possible--touch. Her body didn't flex at all even when I sat her up in my lap, so I had to keep her propped up against me so she wouldn't fall over. 

As I held her and heard and saw all the suffering in her eyes and gasps for air, I wondered why G0d would allow her to have such a difficult life. Once upon a time she was a normal, healthy little girl, until spinal meningitis robbed her of nearly all her functions. She is five years old, yet cannot read or run or laugh like other children her age. Why did G0d choose this journey for her? And why in the midst of all her pain doesn't He either call her home to His presence or miraculously heal her? It doesn't make sense to my simple human understanding. I know G0d is good, and I know He is sovereign, yet my heart grieves (as I know His does too) that she is so broken and hurting in this life.

When I come to know more of Katherine it becomes more and more like looking into a mirror. She is such a picture of who I was sp1r1tually before G0d chose to save me through J*sus. Just like her I was the picture of fraility and weakness. I could not speak for myself or meet my own needs or save myself from the sin that pervaded me as fully as Katherine's disease does her. I was gasping, struggling, and held by my sin and needed a miraculous rescue. Yet G0d met my need, healed my brokeness, and restored me to what I was created to be--His child in a right relationship with Him.

I know He can do this for Katherine too. He can heal her not only sp1r1tually, but physically too. In an instant he could give her back all the strength and health she enjoyed as a small child before her illness. He could also choose to completely heal her forever by taking her to be with J*sus right now. But it's His choice. My own experiences with her have shown me that maybe a small part of His choice to allow her to suffer and be in pain in this life is because it is such a clear representation to others of the G0spel and the condition of our hearts that He died to save us from. Maybe it's through her weakness that He will lead others to H1mself, calling people to come and be rescued by H1m, to live for H1m, and to press on in this life in the Hope that one day He will bring H1s children home and free them from all sin and bondage and suffering forever.

I don't know why G0d acts as He does, but I am so thankful for the poignant reminder that sweet little Katherine is of His G0spel and thank Him today for the awesome privilege of seeing His story in her and getting to give back the love He has shown me to her. I love you and am pr*ying for you, sweet little one! <3